it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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