so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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