um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
