i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Come see our sink grown plant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
