i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
