I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
