I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
