my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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