Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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