You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
