well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
