so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
