I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
