I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
