Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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