ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
