I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
