You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
