I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
