Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
