a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
