So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
