there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
