it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
