So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
