just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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