Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
