im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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