when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
