Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
