you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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