so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
