he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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