My friends, they love my intelligence
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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