Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
