pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
