my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
