Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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