we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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