he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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