the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
