we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
