Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
