You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
