Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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