I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
