Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
