My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
