i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize