I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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