So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
