I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
