Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
