life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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