yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
