Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
