so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize