Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
