It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
