he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
