the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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