the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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