I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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