nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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