come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
