he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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