That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
