What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
