Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
