My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
