someone get that fucking seahorse.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
