She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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