Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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