Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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