I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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